Sugar Kiss
by Tsuby
Summary: [For kaikai PANTS] Phase 3: This is numero 8 on your checklist. Steal a Sugar Kiss. [lame Clouffie oneshot x3] [EDITED]


**Disclaimer:**** Everything's Enix's. The Plot is mine (I think).**

Hello all!

_  
_This is my first ever clouffie! YAY ME x3

_Dedicated to: _**kaikai PANTS♥** because you're awesome like how Godzilla's "GRAAAAAWWWR♥" noise is - if that makes any sense :D

* * *

HOW TO CATCH A PUFF OF FLUFF  
**ULTIMA Hunter's Kit!  
Heh, rawr you beast you :D**

_1._ _Ze __handbook__ (AUTHOR UNKNOWN IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YA!)  
__2._ _Handcuffs (or the like)  
__3. A faux toy __**BUG **__(or the like)  
4. Rations _**(CARAMEL COFFEE & COTTON CANDY!)  
**_5. Underling(s) & something to knock out your Mark with.  
__6. Get-AAAWWWAAAYYYY tranzportazion  
__7. __**GREAT**__ ninja (mad) sKiLLz  
8. It's a secret (kukukukuku...x3)_

Yuffie grinned a fox's grin smile as she checked off her…checklist with an AWESOME orange _Sharpie_. This was going to be a piece of cake—almost literally since Selphie bet a piece of her mother's best-in-the-universe-and-better-than-Nomura-sama's-patented-Yuffie's-tight-butt-shorts strawberry shortcake -breath- Okay!...

What is the bet, you ask?  
(psst, can't you TELL from the title!?)  
No?  
(Oh. Well then, I'll tell you!!)  
…Idiot.  
(Huh? You say somethin'?)  
Nope! Now tell them the bet!  
(-sigh-Alrighty…)

The bet… (Insert impending suspense of DOOM music)… WAST TO CATCH A "RAIN MAKER" aka a _Cloud_. Yesh, a Cloud. No, not **CLOUD**. A CLOUD. No…Not **THE** Cloud. A CLOUD. STOP MAKING ME REPEAT MYSELF!!!

…But since Clouds are nay uncatchable,  
Yuffie has to decided to  
Capture **THE** Cloud,  
since, you know,  
he just _DRIPS_ angst.  
-cough-  
Yes, well…  
Moving on!

Yuffie took out the book of hands and skipped past the Foreword & etc.

_**Well, now that you've conveniently skipped the Foreword & stuff –**_

"KYAAAAA! DEVIL BOOK! DEEEEVVIIILLL BOOOOKKK!! Or…is it psychic? OR IS IT ALIVE!?!?!?"

_**Er, yes. That's it…I'm psychic – me the INANIMATE OBJECT. Please refrain from throwing me to the ground and trying to stomp meh to dead, thanks. Anyway, we're skipping, like you did with the supposed insignificant stuff -fumes- So skip to number 7. On your checklist, not the page in the book. And don't ask how I even know how you have a checklist because I'm psychic, remember?...**_

"Oh….REALLY!? YOU'RE REALLY PSYCHIC!?!?! AWWW! WHO'S A SMART BOOK, HUH! Okay, seven…but…I'm the GREAT NINJA YUFFIE already…"

_**It isn't necessary right now, since you're not in the vicinity of the target.**_

"Pffftt, REAL HELP YOU ARE!!"

_**Now, now, don't go into a fit of rage, rip out my guts – I mean PAGES out, and throw me in Ifrit's mouth then sweep out the charred remains of me when he spits me out and toss me into the dump then blow up said I'll be nothing but a short-termed memory that you'd be happy to lose. I said right now, you know. You'll need them straight away when you get into town, because you'll have to use those sneaky skillz to use on your victim LATER. You need to use them when you get into town because you need get some underlings.**_

"Oh. Well, why didn't you say so!?"

* * *

"AURON!" (1) 

Sir Auron had to try very, very, VERY hard not to run away. Or draw out his Katana and off her then and there. Yush, very hard indeed.

"…What?"

"You wanna be my underling? Huh? Huhhuhhuhhuhhuh? Do ya? Well? WELL?! DO YA PUNK!!?!?!?" She was oblivious to the fact that his eyebrow twitched severely, the only flaw on his well played mask. He moved a subtle step sideways as to not be smacked by her wildly flailing arms.

"Well, Auron, do ya?"

"…"

"Auron?"

"…"

"AURON WHATEVER-YOU-LAST-NAME-IS-IF-YOU-HAVE-ONE!! FLIPPING ANSWER ME OR I'LL TELL…LULU AND TIFA AND AERITH AND YUNA AND -- !!"

"…No. I do not wish to be your underling, Kisaragi."

"…YEAH WELL THEN YOU'RE NOT COOL ENOUGH!"

"Then why did you ask?"

"…"

Yuffie went and stalked away, dignifiedly mind you, with her arms crossed, nose in the air, lips pursed.

* * *

"Ne, Sora, I have a favour?" 

The said boy had turned around to grin at the kunoichi but it had fell as quickly as it had been birthed, being replaced by a nervous gulp at the glint in her eyes.

"Y-yeah, Yuffie?" He regretted saying it instantly, as he was dragged off quite forcefully (hopefully she wouldn't try jump him (again) in the dark alley way they were going into…)

_**You have at least 1 underling now, yes? Good. And if you have more than one then kudos for you. Okay, now you can start you're mission! YAAAY! Just, don't start your happy dance, 'kay?**_

"Ooooh, I wanted to do my happy dance though…meanie-headed book!"

"Yuffie, it doesn't have a head."

"…SHUT UP SORA!"

_**Phase 1: Go to where ever your bishie is at. If you're there than make sure all of you're equipment is ready. Ready? 100 percent? Okay, okay no stalling! Next, go in (or out) to the lion's den with your underling. Throw your distraction (number 3 on your checklist), and while everything is in chaos drag your slave with you and go a-huntin' for the prey, cuff 'em - be wary, they might ask you questions. It's up to you if you're gunna answer or not. After, knock them out with whatever item you brought that covers half of mambo number 5. When they're unconscious, have your underling handle your P.E.T out to your get-AWWWAAYYY method of well...getting away.**_

* * *

Nirvana is what her new bar is called. Don't ask how Sora even got in there. I don't know other, to be honest. 

"Oh, hello, Yuffie, Sora."

"Teef! Have your boobs gotten bigger?"

Sora shot Yuffie an exasperated look, before shooting a forced, overly huge smile at the older woman. "Hi, Tifa."

Tifa sighed at her old friend's comment before raising an eyebrow at Sora.

"Hey, Teef, is Hedgehog here?"

"Yes, he's upstairs in the office. May I ask why Sora is like that?"

'Oh drat! Foiled even before Phase one's been done! Well…dammit! I should've gotten the Kit that had TWO pairs of cuffs! Too late for that now…' (2)

"Uh…no you may not?" Then from the corner of her mouth, "Distract her!! I have to find some other detaining device!"

"E-heh, heh, hehehehehhe…SO TIFA! HOW'S BUSINESS GOING??"

'Oh my GAWD. You suck Sora.' As Yuffie stealthed into Tifa's room and started stifling through drawers.

"Um…good, actually. Is there a reason why you're talking so shrilly, Sora?"

"NO! N-not at all! U-uh, h-have you seen any Heartless around yet? I sure have, thenagaintheystalkmelikenotomorrowsinceI'mtheKeybladeMasterandallohhow'sCloudbytheway?ImeanhewentupagainstSephyandhe'sarealpainintheasstofightyouknow?Ohgeeisthatadustbunny!??!"

"Alright…now, you're rambling…hey, where's Yuffie?"

"Right here!"

"Where did you go? And why do you have one of my good belts and a pair of suspenders?"

"Not-uh! I don't have nutin'! Uh, er, oh NYYYOOOOUUU!" She threw something on the bar's countertop and both Tifa and Sora turned to look at it. (3)

-Please zoom your camera angles back and forth at a slightly dizzying rate towards the little black bug-eyed…bug…right now. Thank you! Have a pleasant…whatever time it is in your countries...lol-

"COACKROACH!!!!!!!!!!" Tifa than started punching things around blindly, breaking quite a few things in the process, while Yuffie escaped upstairs with Sora.

Now, the Hedgehog, I mean Cloud (as in **THE** Cloud ppl) was sitting still at the desk staring broodingly – BOREDLY into space.

Then there was the startling banging open of his door and he turned slowly…

Only to be suddenly tied by a belt and Tifa's suspenders. The Hell?

Suddenly he was surprised to see Yuffie evil laughing with Sora sweatdropping, the latter oddly having a collar around his neck with the leash being held by the previous girl, who's legs were also spread apart while she was doing the V-sign.

How…strangely dominatrix. (4)

Her new bondage fetish, the evil laughing as mentioned, plus those damn stockings and boots and stupid shorts helped the look…he closed his eyes.

(Trying to get of the gutter, eh, Nii-san?!)  
Oh shut up.  
(Hmph!)

"Yuffie…what are you doing?"

"What does it look like? YOU'RE GOING TO BE MY NEW POKEMON!"

"…"

"OH NOES!! I GOT THAT TREATMENT FROM AURON!!! Oh wait! You're rendered speechless because of the honor of it, aren't you!?"

"…Hey, kid…do you know anything about this?" He asked Sora, who gave Cloud an apologetic look.

"I see."

Then WHAM! – She had suddenly shuriken-ed a rubber duck at Cloud's forehead. It hurt like a bitch. He glared. She frowned.

"Heeeeyyyy that was SUPPOSED to knock you out…"

"Knock me out?"

"Pay attention! I says you're gunna be meh new POKEMON din' I?!"

She then threw several other things at him, softer than the duckies at least, each of them failing to knock him out even she whipped them at him.

"Grrrrr…NEVERMIND!! You can stay awake!! SORA!!! BRING HIM OUTSIDE TO THE HEIST CAR-THINGIE!"

"…Yuffie. We walked here."

"Oh…then we shalleth conquer Fenrir-chan!"

"Question. How exactly am I supposed to bring him out?"

_**Phase 2: …. (5)**_

"USELESS MANSERVANT! USELESS I SAY!"

* * *

After managing to find somewhere to go with lots of **Struggle!** they found a Safe Spot – Sora escaping the torture by rushing to the Save Point, saying that it was time for him to go home ("COWARD!!!! YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO BE THE GREAT NINJA YUFFIE'S UNDERLING EVER AGAIN, YOU HEAR!?"). 

"Yuffie…"

"Yes?"

"Why exactly…did you take me here?"

"'Cause I wanted to?"

Cloud sighed but it was cut short when something was shoved into his mouth. He was about to spit it out when he noticed it was melting quite rapidly on his tongue and was rather sweet.

"Cotton Candy?"

"Yup! Aerith said that you liked it."

Comfortable silence followed, with her feeding him the sticky sweets (since he was still bound up).

"Is that all you kidnapped me for?"

"No."

She kissed him while one hand undoing the suspenders and the belt swiftly and the other going into the right front pocket of his pants before breaking away.

"Yu-"

"Thanks for the drink!"

And she disappeared in a choking puff of smoke.

* * *

"Oh man! She really did catch him!" Rikku had brought over a sphere containing the footage of Yuffie's escapade, Selpher's having just finished watching it. 

"Of course!!"

"EYHAAAAAAAA! DON'T DO THAT!"

"Heh, sorry. NOW WHERE'S MY CAKE!? WHERE!?!"

"…Here you go."

Yuffie snatched it, smiling non-stop. "Thank you!"

Then she went to some random café and bought several cups (at once) of Caramel Coffee with Cloud's munny.

_**Phase 3: This is what would be numero 8 on your checklist.  
Steal a Sugar Kiss.  
**_

* * *

Well, there you are kaikai. Your Clouffie (even though there was barely any luff and there was dashes of Yura XD). It took me like 4 hours to write -,-U I hate it but I hope you like it. If you don't than I'm sorry! 

I might change the ending and the title later. The first plot bunny ended up running away but than another one came along (it was PURPLE!!!!! 8D).

I'm also sorry that I didn't have the characters IC. Any mistakes edit later (hopefully). Scrath that, DEFINITELY EDIIT since this damn thingie omitted most of Phase 1. I hate this place now D:(

**Well, hugs & luff!**

♠_x_. Tsuby ._x_ ♥

(1) – Originally Auron's little role was for meant for Vincent.

(2) - From Jimmy Neutron when Sheen was talking about his Ultra Lord Utility Belt and says "It has TWO tomatoes!"

(3) The bug thing is from a humorous non-graphic (as in smex) ecchi anime called He is My Master.

(4) Not really, ne? CX

(5) South Park. I couldn't help it – the Underpants Gnomes are cool!

**EDIT: Fixed Phase 1 (hopefully). There's also a reference in Phase 1 about Megaman.exe lol. I didn't change the ending, just the ending sentence. That wasn't even supposed to be in there -,-; It's either it was a reference towards the beginning when I said he drips angst or I wasn't paying attention to what I was writing XP And I can't how to rewrite the ending to make it good. Oh, right, if it did something funky again when I was going through the second edit then I'll go back and do it when I have time, like the summary, for example. (since right now I should be doing my English catch up since on like Friday we have interims sent home and I don't have anything but that's kind of not fair since I was only recently switched into that class -keels over-) x.x **_(QUICK!!!! SOMEBODY PHOENIX-DOWN TSUBY BEFORE SHE'S ZOMBIE-FIED!!!!!!!!! OH NYUUUUOOOES!!!!...yeah. Tsuby isn't feeling so hawt and REAAAAALLLY wants to upchuck and is super-di-duper tired -nods- Excuse Tsuby's stupidity! And if you noticed she's so stoopid that she started typing in third person and decided on stating the obviousness-ness-ness-ness of it and made had a Barney moment, than have one of the awesomer4u buffalo chicken sandwich wraps that her mama made for dinner tonight :3)_


End file.
